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As the current recession deepens and some commentators are even invoking the “D” word, people are naturally contemplating their futures.  Many are wondering how they will survive without their jobs or now collapsed finances.  Understandably, the focus is increasingly on being adaptable and resilient.  But what is resilience?  And what can having it do for us when life is bleak no matter which way we slice it?

As I began to write about the topic, I tended to think of resilience in bouncing-back metaphors, so for me, resilience (which I also refer to as hardiness) is the ability to spring back intact, after having hit the floor.  I even named my book “Bouncing Back” (with a subtitle), and I kept that working title until one of my publishers strongly recommended changing to a title of “Back from the Edge”.  

So let’s work with both of those metaphors and see how they relate to human beings and their survival capacity.  First, the bouncing-back way of thinking about survival.  Imagine a beautiful glass sphere:  perfectly round and beautiful, but when it falls to the ground, it smashes into a thousand tiny pieces.  

Now imagine a second ball, also perfectly formed into a sphere, but this one a strong rubber ball.  No matter how hard you smash it against the floor, it bounces back up to you.  This second one is the ball I aspire to be in my response to life:  the one that bounces back.  

Translated to psychotherapy, the resilient person is the one who, upon being thrown to the floor of life, bounces back – intact – without cracking up, engaging anti-social and/or psychopathological behaviour and who, I would add, is eventually able to either change the circumstances or adapt to the situation with a modicum of happiness.

Using the other metaphor – of the Edge – I ask you to imagine this.  You are at your lowest ebb emotionally.  You have suffered huge losses, at least emotionally but possibly also on a physical-material level, and it feels like there is no point in continuing to survive.  Your sense is that, even if you were to carry on, life would be bleak and futile.  You suspect that all those you know would be better off without you in the picture.  You walk to the edge of a steep cliff and gaze down.  The canyon formed by the sides of the cliff seems bottomless.  You are determined to fling yourself over and end the misery once and for all.

But just as you contemplate this final step, something in you whispers to wait, that there might be something different happening in the next chapter of your life.  You do not know how, or even if, your current crises may be resolved, but somehow, your will, however beleaguered, is in continuing the fight.  You step away, broken, but not totally defeated.  You do not go back to your life and go on a shooting spree.  You do not set fire to someone’s house or engage in other criminal activity.  You just go back and take what might be only a tiny baby step, but it is one in the direction of surviving, of adapting somehow to your unbearable situation.  In this moment, you have come back from the edge, and you are showing resilience.

Hey, philosophers, saints, and sages have been debating this one for millennia.  You don’t really expect me to give you a definitive answer in a few sentences, do you?  

Seriously, as I tried to respond to this all-important “so what?” question, however – meaning, “So what if I’m resilient; what will it get me?” – it dawned on me that each one of us who would survive must answer that question for ourselves.  

For me, I first thought that I want to be resilient because being so helps me survive.  Maintaining our sense of self (sometimes called “the ego”) is one of the strongest human drives, if not the strongest.  But it isn’t enough just to be alive.  We could be alive and be in a coma, for example, where we would not be able to experience our aliveness.  But even being alive and conscious isn’t enough if we are living a miserable existence.  The other vital component is happiness.

So when I got that “aha” I could connect my dots.  The reason to go for resilience is because in that adaptability, I have better opportunities to learn how to be happy – no matter what circumstance I find myself in – and then my life is really worth living.  Yes, I want to survive.  Survival sorted, however, I really want to thrive.  So I want resilience.

Let us hear how you think about these issues of resilience and adaptability.  Join our discussion forum today and enrich us with your thoughts.